Our world has been ROCKED!

On February 5, 2018 my entire world was rocked. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 34. 

First, let me tell you how I got there. I felt a lump on my right breast at home early January. I took note of the lump and remember thinking "well, that doesn't feel right". A few weeks later I noticed it again while laying in bed. I sent my sister, Wendy who lived in the same town, a message the next day asking who her "lady doctor" was in town since I hadn't seen an OB since the boys were born. I made an appointment for 2 days later. At the appointment, the doctor agreed that it was abnormal and that some doctors might recommend watching it for a month and coming back - thankfully she was not that kind of doctor and she sent me to get an ultrasound the next week. 

Early the next week, I went to the ultrasound appointment insisting that my sister and husband stay home and that I'd call them once I was done. The ultrasound tech took images of the mass and of my lymph nodes and called the Radiologist in the room to review. He said he "didn't like the look of the edges on the mass" so he was going to take a biopsy of the mass and my lymph nodes. In my gut, I knew right there that something wasn't right... I guess I knew all along that something wasn't right, but this is when it really set in. At this point I was kicking myself for telling Paul to just work from home. The doctor came back to prep the room for the biopsy with about 3-4 other nurses. The doctor said that he'd have results tomorrow morning. Eeeek!  Unfortunately, we were leaving for Mexico the next day so that wasn't going to work. Thankfully, he requested the results immediately after he finished the first biopsy. After he completed the second biopsy, he came back into the room about 5 minutes later...5 minutes later he told me "It's cancer." He grabbed my leg, the nurse grabbed my hand and the tears just rolled down my face. Here I was receiving some of the toughest news in my life...alone. Not really, but I felt very alone! Another nurse came in to walk me through post biopsy care and opened the door to Paul. He came to the hospital because the appointment was "taking too long". He didn't know what he was walking into. I told him it was cancer and we just sat and sobbed. I was numb! What just happened? How could this be happening? Things like this don't happen. How is this MY reality?

The doctor told us to go to Mexico. There was nothing that we could do because they wouldn't have detailed lab results until later in the week. But it didn't feel right. How could I go to Mexico with friends and act like everything was "normal" when it was FAR from normal. We took his advice and left for Mexico the next morning to try and enjoy ourselves before things got really real. We soaked up the sun the best we could for 5 days, but not an hour went by where I didn't think about it. It consumed my thoughts and created a constant pit in my stomach. I consider myself an incredibly positive person, but when you get news like this, especially at such a young age, you can't help but think about the worst... about being too young, about leaving my 3 beautiful children with no mother, about leaving Paul to raise our children alone or to eventually be married to another woman longer than he'd been married to me. I've learned enough about mindset that you need to allow yourself to go there and FEEL those feelings in order to let them pass. There was no benefit in suffocating them. I recognized them, felt them and now I have to be STRONG. Be strong for all of those reasons I had fear. 

The two weeks after returning from Mexico, I had more appointments, more scans, pokes and pricks than I had in my 33 years prior. I had a PET scan, MRI,  Mammograms, and Ultra Sounds to learn more about this disease. The cancer did not spread to other areas (Yah! - our first positive news). The biggest lesson so far though was that the mammogram did NOT show the mass that we KNEW was there, that we KNEW was cancer. So my biggest lesson that I have to share with others so far is to DO SELF EXAMS. You know your body better than anyone else. Do your self exams and do not solely rely on mammograms to catch it. If you feel something, don't talk yourself out of making an appointment by saying "I'm too young" OR "Breast cancer doesn't run in my family" OR "I'll check it again in a month". JUST GO! 

We went to Mayo to receive a second opinion of the diagnosis and treatment plan. We were please to hear that they recommended the same treatment plan as our team of doctors in the cities. The treatment plan is 20 weeks of chemotherapy to shrink the tumors in my breast and the axillary lymph nodes, followed by bi-lateral surgery and radiation. 

I am NOT allowing this to define me. I am strong, I am confident in our treatment plan and I have a greater reason to be on this Earth. My husband, my 3 beautiful children (Lyla (5), Ben and Reed (3)) are my everything. 

Please keep us in your prayers! We are a STRONG family, but we are stronger with your love, support and prayers. 

xoxo

Barbie 

Chopped my hair 10+ inches...for a reason!