The weeks between...

The weeks between surgery and radiation starting were probably the hardest for me. I’m not sure exactly why, but I think I was just tired. Not physically tired, not emotionally tired, but just tired of having cancer….

When was this shitty nightmare going to be over? I was still bald. My hair wasn’t growing fast enough no matter how much Biotin I took, Coconut oil I rubbed all over my head, Prenatal vitamins - it was just taking too long. I wasn’t “doing anything” anymore to prevent the cancer from growing (Chemo) or really even recovering from surgery. I felt “fine”, but I still looked like CANCER! Having cancer just sucks…yes, because you’re sick and everything you have to go through. But just in general, it sucks! You feel alone even though you know there are a tribe of women going through the same thing and it’s amazing to connect with them all across the world, but you still feel alone.

My husband, bless his heart, gets to escape it. He may not think about it for a few hours during the day. Nobody LIVES with it like I live with it!

I thought after I’m done with treatment, surgery, etc. that I’m supposed to feel better, but I honestly felt more alone because I didn’t have anything to SAY to all my supporters who loved and prayed for me all through chemo and surgery. I wasn’t “going through anything” anymore…really. But life wasn’t normal either. I was….lost! I am lost!

Yup...still bald.